Beyond Labels: Interviewing My Brother-In-Law About Religion

Personal Viewpoint

My parents are immigrants from Mexico. Many people in Mexico practice Catholicism. My parents resettled to Gonzales, California. Gonzales has a large Mexican population who practices Catholicism. Saint Theodore Church, the Catholic Church in Gonzales, is always full on Sunday. I used to go to this Church on Sunday with my parents.

I never asked them why we had to go to church. I asked no questions about our religion. I just went along with what my parents and the priest told me to do. My favorite part of the hour and half long mass was the part of the mass where we dropped the amount of money we could into a basket being carried by church volunteers. They went around twice. That was my favorite part of mass, but my favorite part about going to mass was the ice cream treat after mass.

I never questioned our religion or what was being taught to us every Sunday until I was ten years old. My brother was battling Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, a cancer that appears in the throat, groin, and armpit. I spent summer 2008 with my mom and brother at UCSF Medical Center in San Francisco. My mom being that she practiced Catholicism and believed in God, prayed to him and his saints, asking them to heal my brother. He died that August. I wondered why God and his saints did not answer my mom’s prayers because my parents and the church brought me up to believe that if you pray to him, he will answer. From then on, I believed less of what I was being taught every Sunday.

Despite questioning my religion, I went along with my parents’ wishes and went to catechism school to complete my first communion. I agreed because it meant I would spend more time with my friends. Also, the nun was very nice. I completed my first communion, which meant I could now receive the body (bread) and blood (wine) of Jesus Christ. Next up was confirmation. I went for a while, but stopped going because the new nun was rude and, frankly, I did not want to be there.

As I got older, I went to church less and searched for answers to my questions. One of my questions was, “Is God really the creator of the universe?”. I believe I got my answer to this question when I learned in science class about the Big Bang. I began believing in science rather than religion. My detachment from religion widened after I learned that those in leadership positions inside the Catholic church were abusing children and that the church was protecting them. I also realized that the Catholic church is not inclusive, which is something I deeply believe in, because they do not see the LGBTQ+ community as children of God. I no longer wanted to associate myself with the Catholic church because my morals and values had become different from the Catholic church’s morals and values.

As for religion, I dislike how, throughout history, people have used it to justify human atrocities. Also, I believe greedy and dishonest people continue to infiltrate religion. People have used it as a tool to create wealth for themselves and radicalize their followers, creating religious cults. That is why I believe nothing that comes out of a church leader’s mouth, because their actions always contradict their words. I also dislike how certain religions have embraced the radical side of conservatism.

I no longer see the bible as being the “word of God” and instead I see the bible as a fictional tale. Therefore, I no longer practice religion and no longer believe that there was or is a God. I only go to church every year on June 18 because that is my deceased brother’s birthday. In the Catholic Church you can pay a fee to have a deceased loved one’s name read out loud during mass. So, that is how we remember and honor my deceased brother.

Preparation for the interview

I began the interview process by messaging my friend to see if he was interested in sitting down and being interviewed. I told him he could choose the topic I would interview him about. He told me to skip him because his schedule is unpredictable, so he did not know when he would have time for a sit-down interview. So, I did, and I decided I wanted to interview my sister about religion. She is very religious and I am not. I had thought about choosing religion as my interview topic, but I was apprehensive. That is why I messaged my friend first and gave him the choice to choose the interview topic, hoping he would not choose religion. When that did not go as planned, I went back to my plan A.

My sister came over with her family because my mom had made some traditional Mexican food the previous day and they came to eat some. I was a little nervous to ask her if she wanted to do this interview, but she brought up religion and I felt it was the perfect opportunity to ask her if she wanted to do this interview. From her response, I got the feeling that she was uncomfortable talking about religion, but she offered my brother-in-law. He agreed to be interviewed. I was hesitant because he only speaks Spanish and I speak it too, but I do not know how to translate it into English. My sister agreed to be our translator.

I also viewed my brother-in-law as being very religious because he was born in Mexico and goes to Catholic Church every Sunday. He also leads a prayer every time we visit my deceased brother’s tomb. I really wanted to come out of the interview having a clear understanding of why he was a believer and follower of the Catholic Church. I went to get my pen and notebook to begin the interview. I wrote in my notebook the four questions you gave us to ask and dedicated a page to each question, so that I had enough space to write his answers to each question. We sat on opposite ends of the couch and my sister sat in the middle. We were all seated and ready to begin the interview.

My experience of the interview

During the interview, I focused on just asking the questions and listening because I was only there to understand his viewpoint on religion, specifically Catholicism. I caught myself doing internal listening throughout the conversation every time I tried to translate in my head what he was saying. I would repeat in English what I thought my brother-in-law was saying to my sister and my sister would translate it to him in Spanish. If he agreed that what I thought he was saying was correct, I would write it down. If he thought I was misinterpreting what he had said, I would let him elaborate on it. Although other family members who were having different conversations were surrounding us, my focus was on this interview and what my brother-in-law had to say. Therefore, it was important that I showed him he had my undivided attention because I did not want to waste his time. Also, the language barrier added a layer of difficulty, so had to be attentive. I was aware of these conversations and that the television was on, but tuned them out and muted the TV, so I could hear my brother-in-law and my sister.

I think listening came easily during the interview process because my shyness has helped me develop great listening skills because I listen more than talk. I also knew because of the language barrier, I would have to be very attentive during the interview. What I found difficult during the interview was the language barrier and wanting to interrupt from time to time.

Even with my sister translating the conversation, I had difficulty understanding what he was saying, and vice versa. Even my sister had trouble translating the very first question and translating this quote “el que no nace para servir, no sirve para vivir”, on her own. She had to use google translate. With the help of google translate we learned that the English translation of that quote is “he who is not born to serve, does not serve to live”. Obviously, we tried to minimize the effect that the language barrier would have on our interview by having my sister be the translator, but we still ended up using google translate. I also asked the questions slowly, so my sister could properly translate the questions. Another thing I found difficult was my urge to interrupt. I had to remind myself that this was not a back-and-forth conversation and that the goal was to practice dialogical listening. I ended up shutting down my urge to interrupt and only chimed in after I knew he had finished answering. I would ask my sister if he had finished answering the question to make sure that he was or use silence as an indicator that he had finished answering before I would tell them what I thought he had said. I only spoke when I asked the questions and when I needed clarification on what he had said.

Post-interview analysis/take-aways

Everything I learned about why he believes in religion and the teachings of the Catholic Church was new to me because I never talked with him about anything else but sports. I learned that faith and hope about something we cannot see or touch, but we can believe in and feel is at the heart/core of his belief in religion and in the teachings of the Catholic Church. He said that there are a lot of interpretations of the bible, but every religion believes in something and he emphasized everyone must believe in something. One thing he said that I found to be profound was that the belief in God is not about being faithful to a specific religion. I think what he means is that you do not have to practice a religion to have a relationship with God and that one’s relationship with God is personal and unique to that person.

He said that for him, believing in God and the teachings of the Catholic Church has been a marvelous experience for him. Part of what has made it a marvelous experience for him is that he believes that God’s saints have answered his prayers. He also said that believing in God brings him comfort. I believe many people believe in God because it brings them comfort and reaffirms their belief that death is not the end and that, along with deceased family members, he will wait for them to welcome them once they transition out of the physical world. I would like to believe that, but there is no evidence that our spirits live on after we die. My experience with trying to get in contact with my deceased brother has led me to believe that it is lights out for us after death because I have asked him to give me signs he is spiritually still here, but he has yet to do so. So, I accept that death is it for us. Also, like many religious people, he uses the bible as a guide through life. I am a firm believer that you should not let any religion dictate how you live your life.

He said that a religious retreat he went to contributed to his belief in God and reaffirmed his faith in him. I can see how a religious retreat can influence someone’s belief in God because I have heard from people who have gone to these retreats that they do not allow technology. So, there is nothing distracting those who go from learning what catechism teachers are teaching them in these retreats. I never reached the point of going to a religious retreat because I never went back to complete my confirmation. That is typically when Catholics attend their first religious retreat. Going to religious retreat is a requirement for completing conformation. Who knows, maybe if I went through with my confirmation, I would still practice Catholicism and believe in God.

Something I found refreshing is that he says he respects everyone’s religion, views, and beliefs. I found this refreshing because I have held the belief that every religion tries to shove their religion down people’s throats. This belief is not entirely false because I have had encounters with many followers of Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock on people’s doors trying to preach their religion. It is good to know that not all religious people do this and that not all of them are judgmental. In all honesty, being judged for my views about religion was a main reason I was hesitant to choose religion as my interview topic.

His answer to “Are there any areas related to religion/Catholicism that you feel uncertain about or have questioned?” surprised me. He mentioned the child abuse happening inside the Catholic Church. It surprised me he knew about this because religions tell their followers to not believe anything negative about their religion, and so many do not because they do not want to disobey these orders. So, him believing these child abuse claims against the Catholic Church tells me he has separated his religion from his relationship with God, and that these claims have not affected his relationship with him. To some extent, it has not affected his relationship with the Catholic Church because he still attends church. He mentioned that just like me, he wants the Catholic Church to hold those inside the church who have abused children accountable. I assume he does not view himself as being very religious because he mentioned he would like to be more involved and active in the Catholic Church.

Through this interview, I learned that religion is a small part of him and he is more than just a person who believes in GOD. He is a son, a brother, a husband, a father, a welder, a soccer fan, a Mexican immigrant, and many more things that we did not touch on. Now, the interview did not help me move past my label for him, but it did certainly weaken my label because I came out of the interview feeling like he feels he has not been as religious as he would like to be. So, it made me realize I should give someone the power to label themselves through our conversations, instead of me coming up with a label for them that more than likely is incorrect.

As far as learning about myself and my beliefs after conducting this interview, I still firmly believe that the bible is a fictional tale, and that God is not real. The main reason is I like to make sure that there is evidence that backs up what I believe. I do not feel that there is undeniable evidence that God existed and that the stories in the bible happened. Also, I feel I would have to ignore what I have learned about the Catholic Church to practice Catholicism again. I cannot bring myself to do that. One belief that changed for me because of this interview was that religious people have a hard time separating their religion from their relationship with God. I always believed that all religious people believed that you cannot have one without the other. Through this interview, I learned that there are people like my brother-in-law who can separate the two.

I learned that dialogic listening allows you to understand a person’s viewpoint, because all you are doing is listening. I also learned that dialogic listening allows for the interview to be a good experience for the interviewer and the interviewee because the interviewee knows the interviewer is there to understand and not judge, so they are more open, which allows for the interviewer to have a better understanding of their viewpoints. It is through this good interview experience that I learned by labeling others, before having conversations about what I’m labeling them as that I’m taking the power from them to tell me who they are and preventing myself from really knowing them. However, just doing this type of interview once is not enough to move beyond labels, but it is a great start.